Mmmmmm....Johnny Depp

If you haven't heard yet, People Magazine, arbiter of sexy men, has once again named Johnny Depp 'Sexiest Man Alive.' Now this doesn't mean he's up for grabs ladies. He's still mine. And that that other chick that he shacks up with until he and I are free to be united in a love that will sustain us through time. Or something.


Did you look at the cover? That is one sexy smile, isn't it? Oh, and look RPattz is there too! Wow, it's like porn. Only better because the guys are hot.


Here he is writing me poetry and wearing a GINORMOUS watch because he can't stop thinking about the time we'll be together. Probably.


Oh, this one makes me laugh! It was taken when I was just a teen and he in his mid 20's. He jokingly called me 'Betty Sue' because I went to an all girl Catholic school. He even had it tattooed on his arm. I told him he didn't have to, but he wanted everyone to know about our love.



Here he is, wearing those sexy little glasses he knows I love. Oh, Johnny!


Okay, see that? Right there? That hand over his heart? Yeah, that's our special signal. When he does that, it's to show me how much he loves me. Isn't that sweet?


And this one, well, it's kind of special, but I decided to share it with you anyway. He took this photo specifically for me (though I think it may have leaked to the press). He's in a wet outfit and no, that's not a gun in his pocket. :) Drink it in, ladies.


Just so you know I may or may not be blogging from a mental institution starting very soon (something about delusions, but I don't know), but that's okay, because I know Johnny will swing past my room, just to make me laugh.

Random Thoughts Tuesday!

Oh, sweet Tuesday. You rock my world.

*How do you like the new bliggity blog design? I was feeling the need for something different. And I made it 3 columns! I'm awesome like that.

*Having blog sometimes makes me feel like a rock star. You know, if rock stars hung our all day with their 7 year olds and did housework. I've been "recognized" by several people and it always takes me by surprise. It also makes me laugh that they say "Hey, aren't you Mom in High Heels?" Sadly, I usually look terrible when they see me. Why can't I just look descent when being "sighted?" Instead I'm frequently cleaning up dog poop. Very glamorous.

*I got to meet Satekieli the other day. She lives just a few buildings away from me and came to our tea party cultural gathering last Friday. Indy has been studying the UK and our instructor's guide suggested a "high tea" as a cultural gathering. We invited a group of friends and asked Satekieli (I don't have permission to use her real name, so I'll just use her blog name) because I wanted to meet her she's British. Indy thought it was "double cool" that he had an actual British person at his tea party cultural gathering. She's very cool and has a super posh accent. Jealous

*The other night we were watching Wall-E in German (because it was on and, well, it's not like there's a lot of dialogue in it). Here's a bit of my and Mr. HH's conversation:

Me: I wonder how Wal-Mart feels about this movie?
Mr. HH: Why?
Me: Well, because Buy N Large seems to be a poke at Wal-Mart.
Mr. HH: Really? I always thought it was more like Sam's Club.
Me: Sam's Club is Wal-Mart, just in bulk and with a membership.
Mr. HH: What?
Me: 'Sam' is Sam Walton.
Mr. HH: (blank stare)
Me: The founder of Wal-Mart.
Mr. HH: I didn't know that.
Me: (silence)
Mr. HH: This is going on your blog, isn't it?
Me: Oh, yeah.
Mr. HH: (sigh)


*I'm itching to put up my Christmas decor, but have to hold off until after Thanksgiving. I hate decorations up before then, because by the time Yule, Christmas, New Year roll around I'm sick of them. I'm really antsy though to put them up. Must...not...cave....

*Speaking of cave....Indy has a rock collection. Not fancy rocks, mind you, just hunks of rock he's found and brought home. He was in his room earlier and came out with one of the large rocks to show me how he had done cave paintings on them with a pencil. What a crazy kid.

*We keep blowing light bulbs and it's freaking me out. 6 bulbs in the past week and a half. WTF?

*Pepper is laying on the sofa next to me snoring and farting. Nice.

*And for the funny sign of the week:


Click the button up way there ^ to head over to Keely's for all the randomness.

NaNoWriMo Update 3

OMG! How is already the middle of the month? Where have the days gone? I am sooo far behind in NaNoWTF. You can see my word counter somewhere over there. <------- I should be at almost 27K words by now. I'm 7K words behind! Ack! Oh sure, 1667 words a day. I can knock that out. No problem. Oh, how the universe is laughing at my boasting. The story is actually progressing quite well, it's just that I can't get the words out some day. I know what I want to write, but actually getting it down on paper (or rather on screen) is HARD. And what am I doing right now? Posting here instead of writing. I'm such a slacker. Okay, off to write. Cross your fingers!!!

Brownies in Bed. Or how Mr. HH nearly destroyed millions of dollars of equipment and ended his career (maybe)

How's that for a title? Take that Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain. Seriously, that's a quirky movie. Ever seen it?
Anyway, Tuesday evening we were eating dinner and Mr. HH tells me that on Thursday (he had Wed off for Vet Day) he has to bring in pastries for the office. I asked why and he proceeds to tell me a little story about what happened at work earlier in the day. As he rarely talks about anything dealing with work (because of the sensitive nature of...whatever it is he does), I was enthralled. And a little nervous. Was he going to have to kill me afterward?
One of the other warrant officers he works with baked brownies for the office that morning. Apparently she's super woman. She went to PT, came home, whipped up a batch of brownies, showered, got ready and went to work, all before 9am. I may have still been in my PJ's watching Oprah, but that's beside the point. Overachiever. Mr. HH had some work to do elsewhere in the morning and made it in late. He was in the little break area and saw the brownies. One of the other warrants told him that they were really good when they were warm and that Mr. HH should warm one up before he ate it. Sounds like a good idea, right? Sure it does. Who doesn't like warm brownies? Mr.HH (remembering how many times I bitched at lovingly reminded him to place food on paper towels before putting them in the microwave, grabbed a paper towel, placed a brownie on it and popped it into the microwave for 30 seconds. Now, let's talk about the high quality paper towels the military buys. You know those rough brown paper towels you find at fast food restaurants? Those are like 600 thread count sheets compared to what the military buys. If I didn't know it were impossible, I'd think they had a huge cheese slicer like thingy that they used to shave super thin sheets of whole trees and folded them up to look like paper towels. Yeah, they're that nice. After popping the brownie on the high quality paper towel into the microwave, Mr. HH stepped away to make a cup of devil's brew coffee. One of the guys started yelling and motioning to the microwave. The super high quality paper towel had caught on fire. Mr. HH stopped the microwave and opened the door releasing a huge plume of smoke, that headed right towards the sprinkler system. They all grabbed towels or papers and waved the smoke away from the sprinklers. They were fortunately able to disperse the smoke and keep the sprinklers from going off, thus saving Mr. HH's career. Seriously, had the sprinklers gone off, millions and millions of dollars of equipment would have been destroyed or severely damaged. Once everyone got over the shock, they started laughing. Mr. HH said they laughed until they cried. All that super sensitive equipment could have been taken down by a brownie and a microwave. It was then decided that Mr. HH would have to bring pastries and brownies for the office on Thursday (today).
Now normally when Mr. HH needs stuff baked for work I take care of it. This time though, I decided he was on his own. He had to go to the store, buy what he needed and bake it. I was sitting on the sofa watching TV and surfing the web doing really important stuff when he got home. Around 8:30pm, I told him if he was going to bake brownies, he needed to do so because they took a while. He did not know this and assumed it would be like baking muffins which takes about 15 minutes. Yeah. So, he went to the kitchen to bake them and called me about a hundred times asking where this pan and that bowl and those eggs were. Seriously. He got a bit irritable with me because I wasn't in the kitchen helping him. Box brownies, people. Add eggs, water, oil, stir, bake. How much help does that really require? Around 9pm, he finally got the brownies in the oven. While they baked he put in a movie I did NOT want to watch, so I went to read in bed. I was propped up in my jammies under the blankets reading Angels & Demons, when Mr. HH walked in with a warm brownie on a plate and a glass of milk. WHAT? Brownies in bed? No way! WAY! It was heavenly. Wasn't that sweet of him? Of course he was doing it to make up for being so crazy with me earlier, but still, it was a nice gesture. I've decided I'll take brownies in bed over breakfast in bed any (and every) day of the week. Try it. It will rock your world.

The last survivors

Sixteen year old Frank Buckles enlisted as an ambulance driver in the Army. The year was 1917. He sailed to France in late 1917 on the Carpathia, the ship that rescued survivors from the Titanic in 1912. He was just 17 and still serving in France on Nov 11,1918 when the Armistice went into effect. Today he is 108 and the last American Survivor of World War I. He is one of 3 verified vets of WWI in the entire world. Time is not on Frank Buckles side. When he is gone, an entire generation will be lost forever.
It is estimated that of the 16 million Americans who served during WWII, less that 3 million are still alive today. Their stories are dying along with them.



The Korean vets are of an age with the WWII vets. Some of them were WWII vets.



The spunky, misunderstood, often angry, Vietnam Vets are now grandfathers.


One day, the young men and women serving in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars will be old and have only stories and memories.



If you know a Vet, your father, grandfather, mother, uncle, sister, whoever, talk to them. Ask them to tell you what they remember. Tell them you're grateful for their service and sacrifice. Honor those who came back. Remember those who didn't. Never, ever, ever forget.

Random Thoughts Tuesday. Living in the Dark Ages

Tuesday? Again? Didn't we just have one of those like 6 days ago? Sheesh! They just keep coming! On with the randomness!

*I was without internet yesterday! For whatever reason, Telepost Kabel Service (TKS) was having issues with lines or something yesterday and I had no phone or internet from about 10am yesterday until this morning. I swear to you it nearly killed me. I'm constantly running to the internet to look up whatever catches my fancy, mostly Edwards Cullen and Johnny Depp really important stuff and not being able to do so made me feel all edgy and anxious. I think I could have a problem. I was like a junkie jonesing for a hit. To distract myself, I rearranged the LR (imagine Mr. HH's surprise when he came home for lunch and I made him move our behemoth entertainment center about 2 feet), cleaned a bit (boring) and wrote out another 4000 words for NaNoWriMo. I was still thinking about it though. I NEEDED to find out who played the crazy rocker chick in "Just Friends" (Anna Faris in case you're wondering), and exactly how much someone my height should weigh (I'm way slightly off).

*Oh, guess what? Blogger did save my RTT that I thought Mozilla ate last week. The following is what I was thinking about last week:

*I'm totally procrastinating today on NaNoWriMo.

*Part of my procrastination involves browsing the NaNoWriMo forums where some people ask the most ridiculous questions. Honestly, if you plan to write a book about something, know at least a little bit about it. If you're planning to write a book about, say Knights and the Middle Ages, you should at least know how a knight was addressed. You should also know what a doctor was called. FYI, there were no doctors. Barbers were surgeons and dentists. Can you imagine?

*On Tuesdays, one of our AFN channels airs an hour of HGTV programming. Oh, how I miss you HGTV!!!!

*The Halloween candy is calling my name. Loudly.

*Do you think it will balance out if I eat the candy while I'm on the stair stepper?

*I could do the laundry as a way to procrastinate, but that's too much like work.

*Indy and Mr.HH have cub scouts tonight (Mr. HH is the den leader) and I so look forward to my hour alone. Maybe I'll write then. Or not.

*Do you own a lot of bras? I just counted (I'm watching Oprah) and I have 19. Does that seem like a lot?

*Wow, it's easy to write out an RTT when it's been done already. I'm awesome.

*Indy is on the phone with my mom. He will only talk on the phone if it's on speaker, which means I get to hear both sides of the conversation. I have to say it's sweet and crazy hilarious.
Indy: Hey Gigi, guess what?
Gigi: What?
Indy: My mom, she says you're not the boss of her anymore.
Gigi: That's right. She's a grown up, she doesn't need a boss.
Indy: Well, my dad does. And mom's his boss.
Gigi: (laughter) Oh, yeah?
Indy: Yeah, 'cause my dad, he just can't get his act together. Plus, he's lazy.
Me (from the other room): Watch what you say!
Indy: But you know it's true, Mom.
Me: Talk to Gigi.
Indy: It really is true, Gigi. I'm not lying. My dad, he's kind of lazy. My mom needs to light a fire under him sometimes.

Bwahahahahahahaha! Man, I love that kid.

*And finally, the funny sign of the week, which was sent to me by a friend:


Now, click the super weird button at the top (I still find it crazy disturbing) and go check out all the other RTT's.

You searching for me?

The pervs are at it again! I thought I’d update you guys on some of the recent searches that have brought depraved souls to my innocent little blog. You ready for this?

Ice cream inside heels-Okay, really, why? Ice cream? IN heels? Weird.

Naked moms crouching down in high heels-Just Ewwwww! Why would you search for that? No, don't tell me, I'd rather not know. I imagine this post is not quite what they were looking for though.

Hard love in high heels-Ummmm….

I lost a bet and have to wear high heeled boots for one day-What kind of bet was this?

Dirty heels-What? I would never let my heels get dirty! Wait? What? Oh, that kind of dirty. Never mind.

Naked mom in heels-There are multiple searches for this. I’m thinking crazy Freud was onto something with that whole oedipal thing.

I’m a boy and I like to wear my mom’s high heels-Might I suggest getting your own?

High heels for pervs-At least this person knows he’s a perv

Slutty Jewish girls in skirts and heels-How very… specific.

Super hot moms in high heels-Why thank you! You came to the right place.

Isn’t that insane? It always gives me a good laugh to read through these and to see what country the searchers are from. Surprisingly a lot of them are not from the US. Look at me, I’m reaching out to the international perverts.

NaNoWriMo Update: At the end of Day 3 I should have written 5001 words. My actual count was 5308. Go me! They’re not all great, by any means, but the story is there and I can clean it up in Dec. Or maybe Jan. Okay, off to each the boy and write my 1667 words for the day.

Mozilla ate my RTT

I had an entire RTT typed out and was getting ready to publish when Mozilla crashed. WHAT??? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--I actually yelled just like that. I don't have the energy to energy to retype it all (plus I can't remember it all). Crapola.

I do remember that I wished my dad a happy birthday though. He's 61 today, but let's keep that between us, shall we?

I will reload the random photo though, because it makes me laugh and we can all use a good laugh, right?

NaNoWriMo Update 2

At the request of a few commentors and some emails, I'll post a rough synopsis of my NaNoWriMo story:

Giselle's twin brother, George, is dying of leukemia and can't find a matching donor. A chance encounter with sexy British psychologist/hypnotist, Benedict Attwood, who specializes in past life regression sends a skeptical Giselle back to World War II Germany. When she sees a chance to change her family's history and save her brother, she refuses to leave her regression, forcing Benedict to regress into her past, a practice that is dangerous for him. Failing to convince her to come back to her own time, despite the dangers to them both, Benedict agrees to help Giselle's family escape the Nazi's who hunt them down for their part in hiding Jews. Can Giselle change her family history and give her twin a chance at life or will she wipe out her own existence and Benedict's too? Will she find what she's looking for only to lose it in the mists of time?

Sounds crazy, right? Keep in mind, that I wrote that on my NaNoWriMo page around midnight last night. My real writing is much more cohesive (I think). BTW, I'm up to 3400 words (exactly). Yay me!

NaNoWriMo Update 1

It has begun! I started my novel this morning and am happy to report that as of right now, I'm at 2049 words-almost 400 more than I needed to reach my goal for the day! I'm so excited. It's not great writing, by any means, but it's solid and can be edited after I've finished writing. Best of luck to everyone else participating!

NaNoWriMo

It is official! I am going to be participating in NaNoWriMo! I'm so excited (and scared to death). If you don't know what NaNoWriMo is, click the icon above to check it out. It's National Novel Writing Month, and the goal is to write a 50K word novel in 30 days. Totally doable (I keep telling myself). Did you know I'm a wanna-be writer? It's true. I've written 4 unfinished novels (one of them is more than 70K words!). I have stories running around in my head, characters talking (no, I'm not crazy) who get up to all sorts of shenanigans, but I always let them down. I also have a notebook with outlines for at least 5 more novels. What is wrong with me? Why am I not finishing? Well, I don't know, but this year, I'm challenging myself to finish one. In a month! To be fair 50K words really isn't that many. I know what you're thinking (it's true, I can read your brain waves through the interwebs): WHAT? 5oK words? That's a lot. Sure it is, but it's not as if I have to write something War and Peace long, you know? And the first draft (which is what I will be writing in Nov) doesn't even have to be that good (though mine will rock). This little bit above is already 220 words and that took less than 3 minutes to write out. To reach 50K, I have to write just 1667 words a day. I speak that many before breakfast, surely I can write something, right? I actually do have a story plotted out, so I'm not going into this blind. I'll try to keep you guys updated on my progress (because I know you'll be checking your computer every day just to see how I'm doing, right? RIGHT?) and hopefully in a month, I'll have cranked out my first completed novel. Is anyone else participating? If you are, make me your buddy. I only have 2 buddies, and well, let's be honest, a real writer should have more. You can buddy me here. Cross your fingers and send me anti-writer's block vibes.<--lookie there, 341 words. I am so going to do this!

Random Thoughts Tuesday! The one where I gripe a lot. Surprised?

It's the most wonderful day of the week!
With the random thoughts flowing,
And followers going,
"what's wrong with her?"
It's the most wonderful day of the week!

I've been sitting around a lot over the past few days and am getting a smidgen stir-crazy. Can you tell?

*I lost 2 followers today! Either they didn't want to tell me who they are (perhaps they feared I would track them down?) or they don't share my love for GLEE and Johnny Depp. If that's the case, I won't weep for their loss. They clearly decided to follow the wrong blog.

*I have almost no voice. While Mr. HH might not be as upset about this as I am, it certainly makes it difficult to homeschool. Today I was supposed to read 2 chapters of Oliver Twist to Indy. Didn't happen.

*Our building won building of the month in June (yay us!). When you win BOM, you get a 150 Euro gift certificate to Dehner (a nursery). We got our cert last Friday. It expires this Friday. Way to keep up Army. My neighbor (TOM's Wife) and I went to Dehner last night and went crazy buying winter hardy plants. We were HOPING to buy a fire pit, but since it took the Army so long to get us the cert, all the summer stuff was put away and we couldn't get one. Again, way to go Army.

*For the past 5 weeks, our upstairs storage rooms (on the 4th floor) have been off limits while renovations were done. Back in the day (meaning the 50's and 60's) the storage rooms were maids quarters for the officers who lived in these apartments (man I wish we had a live upstairs maid!) but now they're used for storage (or in our case, Mr. HH's man cave). There is a large "community room" (directly above our apt) that was also being renovated. That room has been locked off since they discovered asbestos a long time ago. The renovations included removing the asbestos so we could use the room. Exciting! Today we were informed that after weeks of head pounding, teeth rattling banging, drilling and scraping, they are not going to be opening the community room. Thanks Army. Thanks a lot. I really, really appreciated the 7am wake-up calls with a hammer.

*I hate being sick.

*I hate mean people. Why can't people just be nice to each other? I try very hard to be nice to everyone, but sometimes people just make me want to smack them upside the head with one of my heels.

*The other night I dreamed (dreamt?) I was on Project Runway (Make it work!) and I couldn't remember how to sew. Being I worked my way through college in the costume shop, this was really distressing. I kept looking at the fabric and sewing machines and yelling "I can't remember how to do this! I can't remember how to do this!" Instead I decided to knit (something I do not know how to do, BTW) a full length 1910/20's style coat and matching hat. Isn't that crazy?

*Oh, I have to lay down. I'm feeling a bit piqued, so here is your funny sign for the week (I'm thinking of putting one in our bathroom):



*DRAT! I just looked at the number of posts I have and it's 206! I totally missed celebrating post 200! Well, that's one more thing for me to gripe about.

Who ARE you? Who? Who? Who? Who?

Seriously. Who are you? And why are you on my blog? :) And The Who? That is NOT a good photo of you. Just sayin.

Inspired by the superfab Tia over at Clever Girl Goes Blog (really, if you haven't read her blog, you are missing out), I'm asking about you. I have a lot (well, not a lot, but a lot for me) followers and other random readers and I don't know most of you. Sure I try to stop by your blogs often and get a sense of who you are (because I care), but I'd like you to tell me something about yourself. Leave a comment and tell me, who you are. You don't have to use your name (you know I don't), but tell me a little about yourself. What do you like to do? What brings you to my blog? I really wanna know.

From the "Depp"-ths of my heart

Feeling better today, but other than a very necessary trip to the commissary, I've been loafing around on the sofa again. Yay for loafing! We're out of GLEE episodes (sadness), but I finally got to watch Public Enemies! Hurrah! Johnny Depp deliciousness. It was a really good movie (and not just because Johnny was in it). Oh, yes! Look at this! How could you not root for John Dillinger with such a hottie playing him? How dare that man shoot him? Outrageous!



I'm telling you, he could hold me up any time. You listening Johnny? Any. Time.


After I got home from the my jaunt to the commissary with the absolute necessities (you know, Ritz and Pepsi <--my personal kryptonite) we discovered the Sleepy Hollow was coming on TV! Huzzah! Two Johnny Depp movies in one day! I'd almost think it's my birthday or Christmas! Of course this is the very, very edited version (much less blood and gore), so Indy is getting to watch it. He loves it! And I love Johnny Depp. You knew that though, right? Can you believe there are 10 years between these 2 movies? He just stays good looking.



Mmmmmm...I loves me a man in a cravat, tight pants and riding boots.


Just one country away Johnny. One country away. Call me.

Feverish, but GLEE-ful

Oh, woe is me! Another day of being sick. Stupid germs. On the upside though Mr. HH and I watched several episodes of GLEE today! Do you watch GLEE? Do you love it as much as I do? If you don't watch GLEE, what is wrong with you??? Watch it. It's campy, hilarious and big time awesome. High school drama, horny teachers, fake pregnancies, psycho cheer leading coaches and kick ass musical numbers. What is not to love? Watch it! Be GLEE-ful!

Here are some of my favorite highlights. Enjoy!





This is Mr. HH and my favorite. Actually the whole episode is freaking awesome.

Dear So and So: The germ-y eviction-y edition

Dear germs that are currently keeping me on the sofa,

I don't know if you're flu germs (though I did get the flu mist and shouldn't be bothered by you) or just some nasty little cold germs that jumped from Indy to me. I don't care. I don't like you, and I'd like you to leave. I realize my body is tempting (Mr. HH says so, thus making me believe it must be true, though he could have ulterior motives, who knows?). It's all warm and functioning and what not and I understand why you might want to invade (wow, this sounds so dirty), but you are really not welcome. Having a sore throat is so less than fun. And the whole freezing one minute and sweating like a big burly man the next? I am so not enjoying that. Please be aware that I will be dosing myself with medications, vitamin c, gargling with salt water as often as possible and sending serious signals to my white blood cells to track you down. This will cause you no end of distress. If you leave now though, we can avoid all of that unpleasantness. While I don't wish you on anyone else, you need to go find a new home. Consider this your eviction notice. You need to vacate the premises STASAP (sooner than as soon as possible). Got it?

Seriously (don't make me break out the good drugs),
MIHH

Random Thoughts Tuesday! Wizards and Wind and Books (oh my!)

Is it Tuesday already???? How did that happen? So.....LET'S GET READY TO RANDOM!!!!!




*It's so windy here today! When I took the dogs out the morning I felt like I was walking through a tornado. I kept looking around for Miss Gulch on her bike threatening to take my dogs away. Poor little Arf (all 4 and half pounds of him) nearly got blown away. I had to carry him back to the house.

*According to lead Munchkin from The Wizard of Oz, Jerry Maren, the "little people" on the set were paid $50 per week for a 6-day work week, while Toto received $125 per week.

*In Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie, during the second task, Mad-Eye Moody (Brendan Gleeson) wears a watch with the symbol from 28 Days Later, which he stared in in 2002.

*I could so eat a pretzel right now.

*I went to Aldi earlier and as I came out, saw a man sitting in his car eating a HUGE block of Emmentaller cheese (a type of Swiss, but milder). He wasn't eating anything else. Just taking big bites from the block. So odd. Of course when I got to my car I finished off a small pack of Butterkeks (delicious light butter cookie) and a bottle of soda (shhhh...don't tell Indy), so who am I to judge?

*I'm reading a book right now that I hate. It was on the "new" shelf at the library and is called Prospect Park West and it's just terrible. The wives are all whiny, poor me I'm wealthy but miserable and the husbands are standoffish jerks who don't care about their families. None of the characters are relatable, and have no redeeming qualities. I can't not finish though. There are very few books I don't finish, even if I don't like them. The only one I recently didn't finish was Julie & Julia. OMG, the griping and moaning in that book. I was ready to smack the author. A lot. I feel the same about the author of PPW. She's apparently famous, but this book is just bad. I'll be so glad when I'm finished. I'm just really, really, really glad I didn't pay for this garbage.

*I'm afraid I'm going to have to end things with the "new" shelf at the library. This is now the 3rd time it's gotten me with a bad book. Tricky temptress. Oh, it looks all fancy and wonderful filled with books whose plastic covers are still clear and intact and have arrows pointing to the "new" books, but this has to end. I've spent way too much time reading books I don't like thanks to the "new" shelf. I can't stop reading though once I've started. Darn it.

*Finally our funny sign. As a non-meat eater, this is good to know. I'm sure I'd pass right on by.

Cleaning: FAIL

I've been slowly working my way through the house, room by room giving them a deep clean. It's horrible and torturous. Seriously. I hate to clean, so doing a thorough cleaning is one of my least favorite things to do in the world. I hate it more than wearing flat shoes. This past weekend I worked on Indy's room. I've been really slack on keeping it up lately and the dust bunnies had grown into dust elephants. I could have made another dog from all the dog hair I swept up. The toys were scattered hither and yon, crumbs were under the bed and the area rug was gruesome. It took me about 5 hours to clean this room top to bottom, go through his toys and organize the ones we were keeping (this was the bulk of the work). I was horrified. How could I let Indy live like that? Bad, bad, bad Mommy! He came in after I was done (I hid the bag of junky toys that were to be thrown away-where do they all come from? It's like they breed), and looked around. He said it looked a "jillion" times better and that he was sure he could find his toys easier. It made me feel good, but I had to give myself a big fat FAIL on upkeep. Now that it's clean though, I can keep on top of it a little easier. On the plus side, he loves to dust and vacuum, so I may just hand him some cleaning supplies and let him have it.

Dear So and So: The naked edition

Gotcha with the title didn't I? No, I'm not naked, so go look elsewhere pervs who search for dirty things and end up on my blog, but there are people that think it's cool to be naked/semi-naked, and they need to be addressed (and dressed). I'm willing to take this on.

Dear Teenage Girls,

In case you hadn't noticed, the weather has turned bloody, freaking cold brisk in the last few days. Those super short skirts and shorts you're wearing? Not appropriate. To be honest, they're not appropriate during the warm months either. They make you look skanky hobagish slutty cheap. Don't degrade yourselves like that. Believe me, the boys will still like you. While we're at it, hike up your pants/skirt/shorts. I have no desire to see the top of your thong when you bend over.

Oh so sincerely,
MIHH


Dear parents of teenage girls,

Really? You let your daughters walk out the house like that? REALLY? Get some parenting skills people. Teach your daughter better. No way would my dad have let me go to school in a skirt that barely covered my business. Never mind that I went to an all girl Catholic school and had to wear a uniform. He would never, ever, ever have let me out wearing some of the stuff I see kids wear to school. Not for a date, not for a weekend outing (you know, to the mall or movies, or wherever the boys were hanging out), not anywhere. If I'd tried, I'd probably still be locked in my room today, rocking out to my boom box with a cd player and having to idea what the internet is. So, put your parenting panties on, put your foot down and tell your girls to put on something more appropriate. They're going to school, not auditioning for Girls Gone Wild.

Irritated,
MIHH

Dear teenage boys,

While I'm glad you have sense enough to wear clothing to keep you warm, could you extend that sense to your feet? Walking to the food court hudled up in your letter jacket (kudos to you for earning your letter) and flip flops just looks silly. I don't like looking at your dirty, unkempt feet in the summer. I should not be subjected to their hairiness during the fall and winter too.

Icked out,
MIHH

Dear naked chicks in the locker room,

Yes, I know it's the locker room at the gym and you've been working out and you stink, blah, blah, blah. I get that, I really do. However, could you maybe just wrap a towel around you as you're walking to and from the shower? I do not want to see the tattoo of the road runner on your @ss or the tramp stamp that reads "Always Ready." I'm sure you're really glad you got that now that you're pushing 40. It's really hard for me to know where to look when you walk past me stark naked. My eyes go all loopy trying to look and not look at you at the same time. While we're at it, bending over or squatting down while naked is so not cool. If you could see how you look, you'd run screaming from locker room (hopefully not naked).

Eyes averted,
MIHH


Dear Kat,

Stop gallivanting around England and get back to your blog already. I enjoy your guest bloggers, but enough with the "Oh, sorry, I'm off exploring and seeing all manner of cool things are far too busy and hip to post." I'm paraphrasing, BTW. I miss the stories of preschool mum's and Elizabeast and I really, really want to see the new Bungalow. Could you get on that? Ok, thanks.

Missing your funny self,
MIHH


Dear Edward/RPattz,

Just over a month. I can't wait. You'll be shirtless. I'll be drooling.

Waiting,
MIHH

And so ends today's letters. Quick recap: teenage girls and women in the locker room: put some clothes on. Edward/RPattz: take it off. Love you, kisses, mean it.

Random Thoughts Tuesday! The can't sleep edition

Let's not talk about how much I love RTT today (even though I totally do) and get right to it, shall we?


I was really tired last night, but for some reason, my brain wouldn't shut off and allow me to go to sleep (don't you hate that?) and here are a few things I thought about:

*After yesterday's post about Christopher Columbus, I wondered what the US would be called if it had been named after him instead of Amerigo Vespucci. Isn't that an odd thing to think about? Anywho, I came up with these: The United States of Columbia (boy wouldn't that be confusing if you ran into a person from the South American country of Columbia?), The United States of Columbus (doesn't exactly roll off the tongue) or (and my personal favorite) The United States of Columbo. Of course then our national costume would be a trench coat and and we'd all walk around pretending to be slow witted...wait, we already...never mind.

*It annoys Germans that we (Americans) say that we're "American." In their view (correctly so, I have to admit), everyone from North, Central and South America are "Americans" but they all have specific names for themselves (Canadian, Mexican, Brazilian, etc), whereas we, in our arrogance, claim the whole shebang. I wonder what we could call ourselves? I suppose we could call ourselves North Americans, but that might tick off the Canadians being that they too are from North America. Not that we couldn't take them in a fight (don't be mad Canada, you know it's true), but we love Canadians cause they're so cool and say eh a lot. And have you been to Montreal or Quebec? Gorgeous and very Euro chic. If not Northern Americans, what? United Statians? United Staters? USers? What? What would it be????

*Bourbon is the official spirit of the US. Did you know that? I'm so not a fan of bourbon. How unAmerican of me.

*Snails can sleep for 3 years without food. Lucky little b@astards.

*The average sleeper swallows eight spiders in a lifetime at night. The average person also consumes about a pound of insects in a lifetime. OMG! I'm never sleeping again.

*We ordered Chinese for dinner tonight (remember we are 7 hours ahead of the Eastern Time Zone) and the delivery guy had to wait for me outside the gates (they're not allowed on post). The guards stopped him and asked questions before I walked up and said that I had ordered from him. I paid and got my yummy, yummy food and turned to walk home when he called to me, threw his arms wide, gesturing to the fences and guards and asked "Where's the freedom?"

*I'm thinking of painting my toenails purple.

*Finally:

Thanks Chris?

Ah, Columbus Day! The day we honor Christopher Columbus for...well, not discovering America, because that honor likely goes to Lief Erickson, though I'm sure the native peoples would dispute that they needed to be discovered, but for....huh. I'm not sure. Okay, yeah, yeah, he opened up the "New World" to the old one, and we should be grateful for that I guess, but does he deserve a holiday? He's celebrated for getting lost. He never reached the Indies (that was Vasco da Gama), but spent 4 voyages touring around the Caribbean islands. He also never set foot on US soil. Does that merit a holiday in the US? I don't know and I'll bet the native peoples that were wiped out due disease, murder, mutilation (You don't bring the gold? We chop off your hands!), enslavement-Columbus is said to be responsible for the practice of slavery in the Americas-and mass suicides (they're rather kill themselves and their children than be enslaved). He was, by contemporary accounts, not a nice guy. His governorship was marked by cruelty, torture, rape, and general tyranny.
As children we were taught the famous poem about him (In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue...) and how he was a brave and famous explorer. Sure, we were told he didn't make it to his final destination, but somewhere along the way, the whole genocide/enslavement thing got lost. Many states and schools do not observe Columbus Day and native Americans protest the celebration of his life. What do you think? Should we celebrate Columbus or ditch his name from the holiday? Maybe we could have an Explorers Day?

Hooked on Dear So and So

This post is a two-for (pronounced TOO-fer, in case you didn't know)! Julia, over at Hooked on Houses is doing the last of a year long series called Hooked On, and while I've never participated, it would be a shame not to participate in the last one. So today, I'm hooked on "Dear So and So." For those knew readers who have popped over from HoH and don't know what that is, please allow me to explain. Dear So and So was thought up by the brilliant Kat of 3 Bedroom Bungalow to Let in Crazytown. It's where you write letters to all the people who've annoyed you recently. Okay, they don't have to be to people who annoy you, they can be letters to annoy you, it can be anyone, but let's be honest, it's more fun to write those. So, in that spirit, let's be off, shall we?


Dear worker bees who have been tearing out the asbestos in our attic,

While we did not love being woken up at 7am M-F to scraping sanding and pounding, we were especially NOT thrilled when you popped in at 7am, last Saturday. Oh, what a joyful bonus that was! Seriously? And now you haven't been around since, yet our upstairs maid's quarters (used as storage rooms now) are still blocked off. What gives? If you show up tomorrow at 7 am though, we're going to have a serious problem. Some butt kicking may be in order. Perhaps a good spiked heel to the tenders. I'm just letting you know.

Tired,
MIHH


Dear local Fire Dept. (and elementary school),

I understand this is fire safety week and that is is terribly important to teach children about what to do in case of a fire. I really, really, get that. However, what I do NOT get, is why you would choose to do so while blocking the ONLY exit to our housing complex. I know there are other roads, but you may recall that they are gated and barricaded off and thus cannot be used. There are plenty of other places your fire trucks could have been parked that would NOT have blocked the ONLY exit. I know you were in a prominent place, thus giving all the moms a chance to get a really good look at you all (hey, I'll admit, I likes the looks of a man in turnout gear), but for those of us who did not have time to stop and stare and actually had places to be (like the vet), you were really in the way. And made me a lot of people really mad. Waiting 25 minutes to get out of our housing complex does not make people feel generous when it's time for the fire dept annual fund raising campaign. Just a thought.

Late (as usual),
MIHH (and Pepper)


Dear Kennel Cough,

Pepper and I both think you suck. Please leave our house, PDQ and do not stop to see how the other two dogs might like you. They won't. Trust me here.

Irritated,
MIHH (and Pepper)


Dear Indy,

LEARN. TO. READ.

Love you,

Mommy


Dear RPatzz/Edward,

Every day there seems to be knew photos of you floating around and we get closer and closer to the release of New Moon. This makes me so happy, I want to SPARKLE.

Me love you long time,

MIHH (Cullen)

Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Have you ever looked to see what people searched for that landed them on your blog? No? Well, you totally should. You might be surprised. When I chose the name Mom in High Heels, it was from a running joke a friend and I had. It never occurred to me that there were so many pervs weirdos interesting people searching for porn mature content on the web. I suppose it should have, but at the time, the name MIHH (I simply cannot keep typing the full thing out) did not seem like something that would attract said pervs people. Oh, how wrong I was. Here's a list of what has been searched for in the past month and a half that landed browsers on my site:

naughty moms in high heels (you should be ashamed of yourself)

mom's driving fast in heels (guilty, but blog is probably not what they were hoping for)

pretty boys in heels (you my friend need help)

lady teacher spanking in high heels (ooooookaaaaaaay)

I hate Aldi (this isn't dirty, but get off my blog!)

I could sleep in high heels (you could, but that would be rather uncomfortable)

hot moms in high heels (well, at least this one got it right!)

what kind of panties does Oprah wear (why would anyone search for this? Seriously)

old hot moms in high heels (I think I should be insulted. And grossed out)

Oh, the list goes on and on, but I won't because I fear that if I list some of the search terms that land deviants the general public here, I'll be put under adult content and all hell will break loose. Who knew such and innocent and innocuous name would be so provocative?

Random Thoughts Tuesday!

Random Tuesday! Huzzah! Don't know what RTT is? Are you new here? RTT is the day I get to empty my brain of all the random things rattling around for you enjoyment. Feel free to comment and follow me. That's right, I'm that shallow. Validate me!



*I'm sick of hearing how sad it is that Chicago didn't get the Olympics. Get over it.

*Indy and I went to IKEA today! YAY!!!! They're putting out all the Christmas stuff! WHAT? I'm not even ready for Halloween and now I have to start thinking about Christmas. I'm thinking of doing a red and white theme this year.

*Do you ever wonder how people invent things? Like the tampon (yeah, yeah, get over it). How did Dr. Haas come to think that up? I mean, really.

*I went to the doctor last week about my foot and it turn out I have plantar fasciitis in my left foot. OUCH! I told my doctor I wasn't giving up my heels. He laughed and said I didn't need to, but I do have to wear inserts in them (to support my ridiculously high arch). What am I going to do when it's sandal season again?????

*What's the big deal about year round schooling? Most of the world does it. Why not the US?

*Americans are such whiners. I'm including myself here. The rest of the world is like, suck it up you wusses.

*R. Buckminster Fuller invented the geodesic dome. His first name was Richard, yet he went by Buckminster or "Bucky." I'm not sure I'd make that choice if it were my name. Just sayin.

*The Halloween candy at the store mocks me.

*The weather has turned really cool here. I had to put a sweater on Arf. He shivered all day. Poor baby.

*What is going on in Afghanistan?

*The Ancient Egyptian week had 10 days.

*I read somewhere that on a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. Can any Canadians confirm or deny this for me?

*I wonder why the $2 bill didn't catch on in America?

*And finally:


Head over to Kat's to check out all the randomness.

Coupons=spending more?

I was recently given a HUGE bag of coupons. Why? No idea. Maybe I was wearing my ugly boots or something. I've never been one of those coupon ladies who can feed a family of 5 for a week for like a nickle. I've always been amazed by them, but just couldn't do it myself. I'm waaaaaay too picky about what I eat and I've realized that a lot of them buy what they have coupons for, even if it's not what they would normally eat. Me? No way! I'm brand loyal. I buy Classico Roasted Garlic pasta sauce because it has no added sugar. I buy Ritz crackers because they are the BEST (believe me, I've tried all the similar ones, but there is nothing like a Ritz) and I buy Small Steps napkins, tissues and paper towels because they are recycled. BRAND LOYAL. That's me. Most of the products I buy don't have coupons (I wonder why), but occasionally I'll find one and use it and feel ridiculously thrifty.
When I got the bag of coupons last week, I thought I'd give it a try. Being thrifty that is. Mr. HH and I went through the bag (it was a big ziplock) and picked out only the things we thought we would need and the things we normally use. Mr. HH was not as discriminatory as I was. )Today I went to the commissary (military grocery store) with my list and coupons and started shopping. Mr.HH had thrown in some laundry detergent coupons for things I don't normally buy, but I decided if it was less expensive with the coupons I'd give it a try. I had a $1 off coupon for Gain. I likethe way Gain smells, but it's a bit pricey. I looked at the price ($5.99-42 loads). I looked at my normal detergent (Purex, in case you're wondering), which is $3.29 for 42 loads. Even with the coupon, the Gain was $1.70 more. I really had to debate with myself. I had a coupon! It felt wrong not to use it, even though it was more expensive. In the end, I saved $9 by using coupons, but I bought some things I wouldn't normally have bought, just because I had a coupon. I had one for $1.50 off a GE Energy Saver bulb. Said bulb was $3.42. Granted I paid less than $2 for it, but that's still more than the $.70 I would have spent on a normal light. We don't pay electric (it's part of our military housing), so it's not going to save me any money in the long run either. I actually think I spent more with the coupons than I normally would have. Actually I know I did. I've decided I'm going to pass the bag o' coupons along to someone else and only use the ones for products I normally by and feel smart and thrifty.